I’ve spent the better part of my working life in “normal” corporations; the kind you find on the NYSE with coworkers that discuss simple things like their new potato salad recipes, vacation plans, and how to use the new copy machine. A lot of my friends are still in that world and sometimes I forget that I’m not anymore. I still do the same kind of job I’ve always done, it’s just now dildos and lube instead of multi-function printers or intermodal containers. Every now and then, they remind me…like this phone conversation about me house sitting for my friend, we’ll call her Teri. She has a large townhouse with a studio apartment up above that her retired dad lives in.
Me: Sorry I missed your call; what’s up?
Teri: Oh, hi! I’m just packing and getting ready for the flight. Zeena and Zorro (the cats) will be fed tomorrow before I leave so you just have to feed them on Wednesday and Thursday.
Me: The garbage goes out Thursday morning, right?
Teri: Yeah, but you have to put it out Wednesday night – but don’t worry about that, dad will come down and take that out. You can use my shower, it has the better shampoo in it. And as usual, help yourself to anything in the house – there’s some wine left in the fridge.
Me: Nah, I don’t like to use your room and I bring shampoo. It’s all good.
Teri: So, um, my dad was asking me if you could, you know, get him some stuff.
(What am I? A drug dealer?)
Me: Sure, what does he want? (ok, now, drug dealer or call girl?)
Teri: Oh, I don’t know. I was just telling him that you were going to be here this week….we call you Porno Beckyâ€¦. and he wanted to know if you could get him some stuff. Don’t get him any, like, big dongs or anything, just, you know, normal stuff like discrete or like Kama Sutra (the brand) type stuff.
Me: Porno Becky?!?! Are you serious? What, you don’t picture me with my old office anymore – now I’m just Porno Becky?
Teri: Well….That’s just what we call you because I know another Becky. Ok, forget that wine, I’m going to finish it now.
Me: Gee, thanks. Yeah, I’ll put together a goody bag and if I see him I’ll ask what he wants. Have a good trip.
Teri: Ok! Thanks! You’re the best.
Porno Becky. Sigh.